If you were the side chic
No point crying here.
You already knew it would happen
But maybe it would help to lighten your burden and heartbreak by telling you this
YOU dESERVed BEttEr than what you gave yourself
You may be involved with a guy and somehow you begin to doubt the credibility of his feelings for you.
You may also “feel” something is wrong
All is not well
And still be unable to place a finger on it
Most times it starts like that.
Even in a perfectly harmonious relationship
That seems to be made in heaven.
Handling those dicey times could forever change his impression of you and cause a decision to be made that doesn’t end in your favour.
Sometimes it starts like this..
Everything was perfect.
He may then withdraw temporarily and depending on how the entire situation goes with some input from you,he may come clean.
He may say what’s on his mind.
Or He may not.
He may simply play along with you.
until that fateful day when you hear he tied the knot with someone else
Most certainly that would follow after certain signs and symptoms which every woman should be able to know.
One of which may have been giving various excuses about why he is unable to see your parents
This is after some way or the other you managed to get half of him back into the relationship
Note–»if you have to ask him when he’s going to do that,you are already sitting on a time bomb.
—–»if you used sex to lure him back..that’s
what he came for
Put the past paragraph in past tense.
It may have already happened
It may also be happening right now
All the same,
Somewhere in your heart you know its all perching precariously
NO man who wants a woman to be his wife will wait for her to ask him to make an honest woman out of her.
No man who wants a woman will sit by and leave things to time,chance,when he gets promoted,when he moves house,gets a new car,think of all the excuses.
Sometimes these excuses were nonexistent prior to that point when he went off.
Whatever the case,by hook or crook or plain just telling you its over…get a grip,
he does get married to someone else or is planning to.
He may have ended the relationship prior to this or gave you the news as a fabulous wedding present.
It all depends on his modus operandi
And sometimes the depth of sharing you two have done
He got married and she was not you.
The only thing that will help you here is plain honesty.
women have a way of “managing”
This is the time to recall all the things you were willing to manage about him
The signs of incompatibility
The things you were planning to change about him.
Or you think he didn’t notice those too?
They can always sniff when you are planning to turn everything into you.
When your heart is in utter disapproval of his everything and wonders what it is you really love about him.
But the idea is basically that they like their life.
.their funny haircuts,the little idiosyncrasies
If you haven’t fallen in love with the little silly part of them which they believe makes them tick,there’s no point.
They know when you do not approve of their lifestyle
They simply know all those things you planned to manage and felt they could do better than by constantly being under pressure
A man knows when he can’t live up to your expectations or when he doesn’t want to have to give up so much to be with you.
He wants to remain himself whatever good there is of him as he considers it to be and be loved as he is.
Its not all about heartbreak
That’s what you are telling yourself now
Have you forgotten that if his mother doesn’t like you,that’s if you met her before..your chances are really slim?
There’s a lot of family issues and investigating that goes into these things
A family especially if its closely knit and strongly bonded may completely say no to a guys choice*no arguements*
We love killing ourselves
In the beginning you probably thought he was ugly..
You were not all that into him
I would say if you know that a guy is not worth your two cents kindly do not go beyond hello with him.
If you are seeking a relationship,make friends but when he’s coming full on in hot pursuit and you know its not him..kindly let him go.
The period of toasting is the time you use to convince yourself that he’s not all that bad.
You can manage.
However when manage leaves you for the one who only sees stars when she looks at him you cry.
Please stop manging
Cut down toasting time especially when you do not like him.
Familiarity and persistence breed affection..but of what nature?
Never be afraid to say no.
This is the time to open your eyes and admit to all the red flags
The red stop lights
The things you ignored
Such things do not just creep in on you.
Every woman has gut instinct
When she loves a man,it becomes even sharper
She can smell him out
If you don’t yet have it then you have to hone your skills
You will find it in the spirit of quiet focus and deep revelation knowledge
You will know
You can never say you did not have a clue
Unless you were busy making noise throughout the duration of your relationship
There’s also the part which has to re occur again.
Sometimes you really have to ask a man what he wants from you.this is different from asking him to visit your parents
Don’t play games with your heart.
He will tell you he never promised to marry you.
If you started a relationship that was undefined
Here’s the thing
Every stage of association has time frames
Periods at the end of which both parties naturally know something has to give for everything to stay
If you pass those landmarks in a blur..that’s when it gets messy.
Except of course you were the side chic and well aware of what you were.
Don’t be afraid to cry about it..
Talk about it
Hear from your friends(the good ones)
Who will now seize the opportunity to tell you the things they always knew but were afraid to say.
Those things that will make you happy you really didn’t end up with him.
There is also for a fact the issue that guys sometimes base their marriage decisions on “calculations”
That’s what I call it
That’s the only other reason why he would hide the pain in his heart..look longingly at you and walk away dying
They sometimes marry for family
For tribe,for social standing
For her expected income
Some seek out women they think are strong and will handle the home when they travel for decades on end.
They tie the knot for the wife’s profession
Her beauty..all what not.
If he has drawn his graph and you didn’t fall within the area under the curve..take heart.
Leave him to his decision
These are the ones I really think need help.
However when you look at it from the guys perspective his hands may be tied..bonded into a long term contract where he will either learn to love his wife or hate her for the reasons he married her..
This is the part where he will come to make you his mistress.
Please call me to personally chase him with a broom and local screams
Never ever let salt pour into a fresh or evem old wound.
Never forget that there is something called fate
At least if you don’t love God so much..to go all spiritual,
There is fate.
All things happen for a reason
The music for All lives is orchestrated by God.
You may have been with someone who wasn’t for you.
your destiny may not lie favourably with him.
Should you attend his wedding ?
I would say that is left to you to decide.
Should you then find someone to rebound with?
I would say that’s when you are most likely to get hurt.
Far worse than what he could have ever done
There won’t be any better time to take stock and make firm resolves.
This is not the season for flaunting your new catch everywhere and wherever to pass a message of not being miserable
Its a pity show
He will see through it for exactly what it is.
Take the moral highroad all the way.
Don’t diss him on the internet.*smiles*
You must have been raised far better Than that.
By all means go out
Don’t get drunk and have drunk sex with a stranger to make everything more pitiful
Killing yourself won’t make him remember you any different
You will just kill your family as well.
He won’t love you more in death.
Most of all..
Turn to God
Let a singular event not become a pattern
Look back at your mistakes
Write down your feelings
If possible recall every moment you had with him make your assessments from them
Judge them based on how happy or how sad those different times made you.
It may end up a suprise how much you overestimated the joy you were getting from him
We usually create our own joy based on the facts that we want to…then we attribute those feelings to being the result of a person.
Make a life out of what you have
Find something productive to do
If you have a job..then set a new challenge at work for yourself
Cook or learn how to.
Bake or learn how to.
SEek help if you need to..its not much further than you think.
Pastors make good counsellors/shrinks
it is also worthwhile to have an older friend who understands you and can offer comfort
The older married ones do have a lot of good sense.
If you have to always remind yourself that its not about him..its all about you.
Its about what you can be to yourself and affect your world.
He may pass by..you may catch a glimpse of him.
Whatever you do always remember too that indifference is a more helpful emotion than hatred.
Aim to be indifferent in the final phase of your grief and move from thereon.
Do not let your heart move into his matrimonial home.
he’s gone..her gain is your gain only you don’t see it just yet.
You are not finished
You can be loved
There is so much of you someone else is waiting to unravel
Just let it be.
Learn the lessons
Do not repeat the mistakes.
8 thoughts on “when he marries another”
WOW!!!! jus wht i was luking 4…..it was like a balm to me…..& it made so much sense….although i noe i wud read it many more times…..ty 4 sharing these thoughts…..:)
Wonderful write up……….these words will definetely speak to a lot of people..nice 1 Osama
Thank you dear.
in the words of David Chapelle…: “women take advice from other women about men… and usually they dont really know what they talking about. 100 ways to keep your man. theres only 4 tins on that list. suck his dick, play with his balls, fix him a sandwich and dont talk so much” it sounds really crass and vulgar but wen u look at the underlying principles behind the four rules sex, total acceptance, love, care and dont nag…thats all u need to know in dealing with men….from a man.
Yes sir…I do find one area of confluence in your four rules with some of what I said..but u know we never agree on the sex part.. 🙂
Great post bro.. What about when she marries another man?? what are we to do???
She usually marries another when you let her do so…that we shall talk about.