life, marriage, relationship woes

she married another?

guys cry too

guys cry too


She married another because you let her.
Why don’t we end this discuss here and now?
We won’t because you do not think it to be so.

.she is with you for different reasons
maybe she thinks you are the shinning star in a dark sky
Maybe she thinks you make the world go round
Maybe you chased her for months
Then you finally caught her
It could have just been a friendship that metamorphed into a relationship
ALL the same, at some point you had her attention
You were all she ever thought about sometime in history
She dreamt of having your kids,
She dreamt of welcoming you home after you had laboured to keep her fed and happy.
She built castles and maybe you did too.
A woman will not jump up and off and go marry some guy unless you push her to do it.
Women are naturally faithful creatures
They hang on long after you pushed them out the door
They beg…yes you chics have begged some guy before
They even make promises they can’t keep just to have you stay
For a woman to move on from that state of loving you and into another mans arms…
I don’t think I should sympathise with you.
You probably have option 2stashed away somewhere
And like a typical woman she would have been waiting for you to finally become available
You have been dating her for 5years,why won’t she leave you when its obvious you have no plans to make an honest woman out of her?
Do you want her eggs to finish before you finally take her to the altar?
You want her to ovulate all the kids away?

However you came about that relationship
you think a woman doesn’t know when you don’t have any serious plans for her?
Or when you are just using her as a title bearer?
Cook cum laundry mistress
..bed warmer and other things nice.
Then again,you like her but you don’t love her.
Two years into your arrangement of a relationship you haven’t parted your lips to appreciate her for whom she is
You haven’t even thought of loving her..maybe she doesn’t fit into the picture you have in your head of “your wife”but you are keeping her all the same just so you can be seen to be having a relationship
Lots of women put up with substandard treatment and mediocrity
The day comes when someone who sees gold in what you have termed a pile of rubble starts mining.
Then she leaves you..
Very few ladies will keep dating someone they don’t want after they have met a better person and by the time she’s leaving you it won’t take too long for you to hear she got married..
That’s when folks come up saying stuff like She was two timing you.
Most times she doesn’t two time..
You simply are not absorbed enough in her to notice when you have stopped
Being her man.
There could be hazy periods in transition where she’s at your house and taking calls from the new guy.
.who is ever caring,ever consistent..
While you are ever taking ..never giving
You will lament to her about all your problems and she will soak them in but you won’t ask her if she is fine.
The guy she marries will listen to her
He will solve her own problems
He will care..
He will love her and he will show it.
People fall in love with human beings that care about them.
You were never going to marry her so stop pretending that you were.
Sometimes it hurts that you see someone turn the dead brown shirt you threw in the bin into something plain white and beautiful with just enough care.
You don’t treat a woman right and then you complain when she leaves
Its easy to get into a rut and ignore the role you played
You will never want to admit to yourself that she ever had needs
You never took care of her…did you ever give her money to do her hair?
Did you ever load her phone?
Did you ever call her up just to say hello dear..hope you’re having a nice day.
No!!!so what is your complaint?

How many times did you consistently go hang out with your friends all dressed up..and leave her behind?
When did you ever take her to a nice restaurant on a dating date?
Watching a movie on your couch eating the fried rice she slaved three hours in your kitchen for doesn’t count
Stop being way besides yourself about someone you didn’t really want to be with in the first place.
Start asking yourself the right questions now

Do you really want to be in a relationship now?
Do you have the time and effort to make one work?
Are you ready to settle down?
This is because I personally do not think you should be in a relationship with no apparent conclusion in sight.
You shouldn’t put a woman into an arrangement that has no feasible end.
If you are not planning to marry her,please kindly leave her alone..
When you don’t and she is ripe she will fall from the tree regardless of who lies to catch her.
Won’t matter then if you are the temporary keeper or not
A woman can stay with you when you have no money but harbour good intentions for her.
She will stick by a man whom she believes to love her and be optimistic that her love will make the money come.
After two years of dating,her feet go restless and two years is a relationship marker..
You haven’t mouthed a word that suggests you’re in with her for the long haul.
Her heart will drop and she will slowly realise that you may not be the way forward afterall

This is the society we live in..you cannot take someones 25year old daughter and tell her she is still young then start playing games with her.
At 25,the pressure has started mounting..
if you are with her at that age and above without any significant plans,
you had best have plans or leave her to go her way.
There is no use to keeping a woman longer if you have no plans to settle her life..

Then again when it comes to crossroads,you don’t give people open options..like if you want to stay,stay
If you don’t,go.
You’re already saying that your life can carry on perfectly without them..
And no woman would ever want to be in a place where she is not truly wanted..
Statements or actions that portray such statements could result in a woman leaving you for an empty bed and empty hands and somehow the sharp wiser hawks preying around usually choose that time to swamp their prey..
So if you broke up like that and she’s married three months later,its still your doing.
Don’t even say she never loved you or it wouldn’t have turned out that way..
She loved you but you didn’t need her
So she walked away with her pain and found a doctor.

Sometimes it may not be all of this..
You may just have fallen into the hands of one of those chics who does it as good as the guys can.
Even then,I am still a strong believer in the wrongs love can make right
When dealing with girls who are serial daters and gold diggers..
I think its best to be as honest as you can and give it your best shot..if you really care about her soft words and kind answers have been known to turn away wrath and melt the stoniest of hearts
Deep down inside every woman is a longing to be cared for and wanted..
If you truly love this kind of woman,it won’t be business as usual..

Guys do get really heartbroken
But more than half the time
They know where they went wrong and what they did..
The truth is that the society and upbringing has conditioned men to hide their emotions and it will keep being a nagging bone..
It will keep causing problems for any man who hasn’t learnt how to truly balance out his emotions.

This will be one time to truly let it out
If you really feel hurt its best to let it out
If manly ego,won’t permit crying on a friends shoulder,then see a shrink..(ask me)
This is most certainly when most guys attempt that rebound thing and get the wrong girl pregnant
Kindly be sober of alcohol,fast things and wrong females at this time
Drinking doesn’t drown sorrows
Football does though..
Hang out with friends
Have some nice company
I always suggest talking things over with someone really close
Someone who knew about the relationship and knows both parties involved
Get their opinion because sometimes things look different from another’s eyes.

One thing that you must know is that although your ego may take a huge hit from a woman leaving you especially when its much apparent to the world is that you are still the same man you have always been and nothing should dent your self confidence
Think of the substandard parts of your character and attitude and work on them
Remember being an emotional person and showing emotions doesn’t mean you’re weak..
Learn to be honest about them too..
Don’t say things you don’t mean just to get a girl to have sex
Don’t be afraid to show it if you truly love her too.
That counts..
Next time will be a charm if you’re ready for it and if you want it to be..
Just don’t take any baggage to the next woman and weigh her down with tales of how you were dumped or she may just get tired and leave as well..
Get over it before moving into another womans arms I beg!!!
Love is still out there give it another try.

fashion

colour me yellow

Yellow is just about how to put that spot of happiness in our very cloudy skies and make up for the lack of sun.
Fluorescent colours really popped this spring and summer and hey,since we don’t have fall over here,we might as well continue springing yellow…
Here’s my pick of the yellowest yellows from all around the worldy world. 🙂

leighton meester on set of gossip girls via teen vogue style blogs

leighton meester on set of gossip girls via teen togue style blogs

yellow pumps from justfabulous.com personalised boutique

yellow pumps from justfabulous.com personalised boutique

nanette lepore speak easy dress from saksfifthavenue.com

nanette lepore speak easy dress from saksfifthavenue.com

ituenbasi ibiso jacket from myashopopupshop wear with the topshop yellow pencil skirt.

ituenbasi ibiso jacket from myashopopupshop wear with the topshop yellow pencil skirt.

topshop skirt about 50pounds..perfect for the ibiso jacket.

topshop skirt about 50pounds..perfect for the ibiso jacket.

bulvaria styled tan and yellow tasselled bag from topshop at 45pounds--note the statement tassels!!

bulvaria styled tan and yellow tasselled bag from topshop at 45pounds–note the statement tassels!!

Burberry bracelet from www.whowhatwear.com

Burberry bracelet from www.whowhatwear.com

made in Nigeria ..available in various sizes..spiral bound jotter for lists and staying organized.

made in Nigeria ..available in various sizes..spiral bound jotter for lists and staying organized.contact me

topshop

topshop

fashion

colour blocking crazy

Emma stone in gambattista valli and model in
Victoria secret pencil skirt..

Emma stone in gambattista valli and model in
Victoria secret pencil skirt..

I see colour blocking has no intentions of calming down anytime soon
Somehow we have all been given the key to being fashion forward with just one outfit and the perfect shoes…
Picture is of Emma stone wearing a pink and red gambattista valli dress
Same look (somewhat)in Victoria secret
I think we have often seen dresses in this combination and walked past
But here’s an opportunity to be a perfect red cherry…
Nude shoes?or pink?or red?
If you’re so white skinned,nude
But for darker tones I think red or pink..

pink platform pumps odeon shoes

pink platform pumps odeon shoes

life, marriage, relationship woes, Uncategorized

when he marries another

Hello!

If you were the side chic
No point crying here.
You already knew it would happen
But maybe it would help to lighten your burden and heartbreak by telling you this
YOU dESERVed BEttEr than what you gave yourself


You may be involved with a guy and somehow you begin to doubt the credibility of his feelings for you.
You may also “feel” something is wrong
All is not well
And still be unable to place a finger on it
Most times it starts like that.
Even in a perfectly harmonious relationship
That seems to be made in heaven.
Handling those dicey times could forever change his impression of you and cause a decision to be made that doesn’t end in your favour.
Sometimes it starts like this..
Everything was perfect.

He may then withdraw temporarily and depending on how the entire situation goes with some input from you,he may come clean.
He may say what’s on his mind.
Or He may not.
He may simply play along with you.
until that fateful day when you hear he tied the knot with someone else
Most certainly that would follow after certain signs and symptoms which every woman should be able to know.

One of which may have been giving various excuses about why he is unable to see your parents
This is after some way or the other you managed to get half of him back into the relationship
Note–»if you have to ask him when he’s going to do that,you are already sitting on a time bomb.
—–»if you used sex to lure him back..that’s
what he came for


Put the past paragraph in past tense.
It may have already happened
It may also be happening right now
All the same,
Somewhere in your heart you know its all perching precariously

NO man who wants a woman to be his wife will wait for her to ask him to make an honest woman out of her.
No man who wants a woman will sit by and leave things to time,chance,when he gets promoted,when he moves house,gets a new car,think of all the excuses.
Sometimes these excuses were nonexistent prior to that point when he went off.

Whatever the case,by hook or crook or plain just telling you its over…get a grip,
he does get married to someone else or is planning to.
He may have ended the relationship prior to this or gave you the news as a fabulous wedding present.
It all depends on his modus operandi
And sometimes the depth of sharing you two have done


Background
He got married and she was not you.

The only thing that will help you here is plain honesty.
Simple honesty.
To yourself
women have a way of “managing”
This is the time to recall all the things you were willing to manage about him
The signs of incompatibility
The things you were planning to change about him.
Or you think he didn’t notice those too?
They can always sniff when you are planning to turn everything into you.
When your heart is in utter disapproval of his everything and wonders what it is you really love about him.
But the idea is basically that they like their life.
.their funny haircuts,the little idiosyncrasies
If you haven’t fallen in love with the little silly part of them which they believe makes them tick,there’s no point.
They know when you do not approve of their lifestyle
They simply know all those things you planned to manage and felt they could do better than by constantly being under pressure
A man knows when he can’t live up to your expectations or when he doesn’t want to have to give up so much to be with you.
He wants to remain himself whatever good there is of him as he considers it to be and be loved as he is.
Its not all about heartbreak
That’s what you are telling yourself now
Have you forgotten that if his mother doesn’t like you,that’s if you met her before..your chances are really slim?
There’s a lot of family issues and investigating that goes into these things
A family especially if its closely knit and strongly bonded may completely say no to a guys choice*no arguements*

We love killing ourselves
In the beginning you probably thought he was ugly..
You were not all that into him
I would say if you know that a guy is not worth your two cents kindly do not go beyond hello with him.
If you are seeking a relationship,make friends but when he’s coming full on in hot pursuit and you know its not him..kindly let him go.
The period of toasting is the time you use to convince yourself that he’s not all that bad.
You can manage.
However when manage leaves you for the one who only sees stars when she looks at him you cry.
Please stop manging
Cut down toasting time especially when you do not like him.
Familiarity and persistence breed affection..but of what nature?
Never be afraid to say no.

This is the time to open your eyes and admit to all the red flags
The red stop lights
The things you ignored
Such things do not just creep in on you.
Every woman has gut instinct
When she loves a man,it becomes even sharper
She can smell him out
If you don’t yet have it then you have to hone your skills
You will find it in the spirit of quiet focus and deep revelation knowledge
You will know
You can never say you did not have a clue
Unless you were busy making noise throughout the duration of your relationship

There’s also the part which has to re occur again.
Sometimes you really have to ask a man what he wants from you.this is different from asking him to visit your parents
NEVER ASSUME
Don’t play games with your heart.
He will tell you he never promised to marry you.
Be careful.
If you started a relationship that was undefined
Here’s the thing
Every stage of association has time frames
Periods at the end of which both parties naturally know something has to give for everything to stay
If you pass those landmarks in a blur..that’s when it gets messy.
Except of course you were the side chic and well aware of what you were.

Don’t be afraid to cry about it..
Talk about it
Hear from your friends(the good ones)
Who will now seize the opportunity to tell you the things they always knew but were afraid to say.
Those things that will make you happy you really didn’t end up with him.

There is also for a fact the issue that guys sometimes base their marriage decisions on “calculations”
That’s what I call it
That’s the only other reason why he would hide the pain in his heart..look longingly at you and walk away dying
They sometimes marry for family
For name
For tribe,for social standing
For her expected income
Some seek out women they think are strong and will handle the home when they travel for decades on end.
They tie the knot for the wife’s profession
Her beauty..all what not.
If he has drawn his graph and you didn’t fall within the area under the curve..take heart.
Leave him to his decision
These are the ones I really think need help.
However when you look at it from the guys perspective his hands may be tied..bonded into a long term contract where he will either learn to love his wife or hate her for the reasons he married her..
This is the part where he will come to make you his mistress.
Please call me to personally chase him with a broom and local screams
Never ever let salt pour into a fresh or evem old wound.

Never forget that there is something called fate
At least if you don’t love God so much..to go all spiritual,
There is fate.
All things happen for a reason
The music for All lives is orchestrated by God.
You may have been with someone who wasn’t for you.
your destiny may not lie favourably with him.

Should you attend his wedding ?
I would say that is left to you to decide.

Should you then find someone to rebound with?
I would say that’s when you are most likely to get hurt.
Far worse than what he could have ever done
There won’t be any better time to take stock and make firm resolves.

This is not the season for flaunting your new catch everywhere and wherever to pass a message of not being miserable
Its a pity show
He will see through it for exactly what it is.
Take the moral highroad all the way.
Don’t diss him on the internet.*smiles*
You must have been raised far better Than that.
By all means go out

Don’t get drunk and have drunk sex with a stranger to make everything more pitiful
Killing yourself won’t make him remember you any different
You will just kill your family as well.
He won’t love you more in death.

Most of all..
Turn to God
Let a singular event not become a pattern
Look back at your mistakes
Write down your feelings
If possible recall every moment you had with him make your assessments from them
Judge them based on how happy or how sad those different times made you.
It may end up a suprise how much you overestimated the joy you were getting from him
We usually create our own joy based on the facts that we want to…then we attribute those feelings to being the result of a person.

Make a life out of what you have
Find something productive to do
If you have a job..then set a new challenge at work for yourself
Cook or learn how to.
Bake or learn how to.
SEek help if you need to..its not much further than you think.
Pastors make good counsellors/shrinks
it is also worthwhile to have an older friend who understands you and can offer comfort
The older married ones do have a lot of good sense.
If you have to always remind yourself that its not about him..its all about you.
Its about what you can be to yourself and affect your world.
He may pass by..you may catch a glimpse of him.
Whatever you do always remember too that indifference is a more helpful emotion than hatred.
Aim to be indifferent in the final phase of your grief and move from thereon.
Do not let your heart move into his matrimonial home.
he’s gone..her gain is your gain only you don’t see it just yet.

You are not finished
You can be loved
There is so much of you someone else is waiting to unravel
Just let it be.
Learn the lessons
Do not repeat the mistakes.

fulfillment, life

vanity says the preacher.

⁠Sunday, August 16, 2009⁠

The world is a lonely place.
if you look beyond all the noise,merrymaking and glee.
beyond the faces of people who seem to have everything.
beyond their ice walls or facades.

You will see it
.a haunted look
.a cry from a soul languishing in a myriad of problems
.we all have them in our irises.
blue black,blue or brown.
i looked inside me and it made so much sense.the futility of it all.
vanity of vanity says the ecclesiastical preacher.all is vanity.
from the rising of the sun,all you put an effort to,all you work to accumulate-.vanity.
the friends you strive to do for in a bid to keep.
the love that seems far beyond reach.
i have seen this lonliness.
i have experienced it.at every point,i feel one more thing i add to myself will cause happiness to abound.
but no.it does nothing to solve it
.is it lack of someone to share with?that special someone who shares ur breaths,to whom u are most important in the world?
have u found him?pray tell me where.and how does it feel?
for after u find that person.they become a possession.sooner than one fall out,you search for more fulfilment
When will it ever be enough ?
When will we ever be satisfied ?
When will we learn?

marriage

for love or not.

I’ve always thought I would marry for love.
I would meet someone who blew my mind and made me see stars and butterflies flutter in my tummy.
I wanted the ultimate fairy tale.
Blissfully looking into his eyes and seeing my future
Knowing that I was comforted and feted by the warmth of his love.
That I would feel same.
That ‘dream’ as I now like to call it is fading
Fading fast.
Reality sets in…is setting in and is almost here.
I have loved,fallen,gotten up and dusted my skirts.
Now I think I know why so many people view marriage as a contractual arrangement of some sort.

It seems finding and loving that ideal person
Who also wants to love you is a so far fetched idea.
I have always been a pessimist so its no big surprise if I come up saying this today.
For some of us,the realities of life are more real than how other people perceive them to be

In the end,after waiting and waiting
Waiting to find and love
Waiting to justify why
Waiting to see how it works out
Waiting for him to decide.
Waiting endlessly
You turn around and fall into the arms of the one you rejected
That’s if he’s still there after all this time
You realise the prince has either forgotten there was a princess to be rescued or he is not interested.
Therefore you fall for the count.
Swooning into his arms hoping no one can smell your pretence..
Determination in your heart to make ‘it’ work
Thankful you have found a home to call yours
Children to bring up.
In feting him and caring for him..
You fall in love.
At the end..not the beginning
Maybe its all a contract.
Maybe its not about love anymore
Maybe that’s how we female folks end up.
In loveless marriages where we need to struggle to keep romance alive.
Sham and drudgery
That’s all I can say.

There are females in this situation
Those who have just entered it
Those who are currently deciding that’s the way to go.
Those who are in the thick of it and bearing their marriage cross at best will.
I have no advice.
I wonder how I will turn out myself .

marriage, relationship woes

Mr right


Regardless of your desire to admit this to yourself or not,every woman who is yet unmarried and every man too,constantly is in a state of searching,looking,assessing and trying to find someone to be with.
Someone to laugh with,share their tears with and someone who will understand those moments of silence when far more words are ever spoken than in speech.

this is everyone’s desire.
I am yet to meet anyone who does not want to get married.
perhaps such people exist and their stance was probably born out of unpleasant experiences…
Most times they have been married before.
In the case of a single young woman or man who says they have no plans to find a partner,I am yet to find one.

What baffles me is the ammount of single,young and searching people out there.
There’s so much wisdom out there’so many clever people and yet so many can’t find what they want.
That soulmate.
As the world gradually shrinks into cyberspace
We are moved beyond our physical environment into other worlds and spheres of life.
We meet people on social networking sites-that should be a post for another day.
Yet in all of this,so many are still single.

If we must be honest with each other..it isn’t as easy as it comes off.
We could write a perfect list about the perfect man.
How he should look..the things he should like.
All of that.
However,,let me say here that the real factors that determine Mr.right are not his height,his carriage,his face,all of that.

These are the real issues.

1..EDUCATION
you think everyone out there is educated right?yes,maybe you did.well,I thought so too..until I met graduates who can barely make a correct sentence.graduates both male and female alike but let’s face the males here.
Then there’s the part with the ‘type’ of qualification he has.
Very touchy but will be best left to your imagination.
This is also where the issue of #gbagaun arises.
This is where he doesn’t know how to conduct himself in public.
This is where he says chingum very loudly while you are both on a queue at shoprite and everyone including that well bred and regal looking female ahead of you turns around and gives you a sorry look.
This is where he is chewing loudly at a restaurant and you are besides yourself in shame.
Or the part where he argues on the phone with your aunt who is trying to give him directions and she drops the phone saying-“that driver must be so dumb”
You can barely speak at this point can you?
Now this is also the part where on top of all of this,he thinks he is the MAN!
He will embarrass you and now you have to check yourselves guys..if you gbagaun excessively,there is no harm in buying correct grammar and reading it..I hear there is also a book on correct use of tenses too.
Yes I know you probably spent your time in primary school crying or playing football.

BREEDING
You think this doesn’t matter right?
Well he also thinks hitting you is normal.
He won’t open the door for you.
Especially those heavy glass doors
Personally if done to me..I consider a crime.
My hands are small and going first doesn’t mean I should push the heavy door for both of us.
That’s if he even let’s you go first.he will help himself and stand indoors waiting for you.
A man who didn’t have certain types of conditioning when he was young will be difficult to cope with.
He takes you home after a date and leave you at your gate then zooms off.
Even in the university we knew not to leave friends(talk less of someone u like/love)without the knowledge that they are safely in their compound..you had to use your headlamps to fully illuminate the gate and ensure they were in before u flew off.

3.RELIGION-
Christian-Christian
Muslim-Muslim
Other sects-same sects
This ensures everyone has harmony
The exceptions being that one party or the other is willing to make sacrifices.
Huge ones at that.
Besides the fact that religious beliefs shape our thinking,some religions influence dressing,behaviour and comportment as well.
A Muslim female and a Christian man?
Or a Christian female with a Muslim man?
If you my sister would enjoy converting to islam,fine.
If you would love your children as Muslims fine.
Within Christianity are further divisions.
We all have certain values we would love to instill in our kids.
The catholics,anglicans’methodists’adventists.
What have you?
I cannot begin to imagine a Protestant from Christ embassy for example with a catholic man.
It doesn’t just work..there will be issues.
I leave the rest to your imagination.
The major problem arises with the children.
Everyone wants certain values impacted.
There is no doubt that with considerable tolerance you will have a long marriage.
your children may end up confused.
They may not know which way to tilt

CLASS
Enough said already
A millionaire can marry a help.
A female heiress can hardly marry beneath her class.
Class contributes some deal to breeding
But that’s not all of it.
Thing here is this.
For females,a guy below your class will hardly earn your respect unless he has worked through the ranks and reformed himself.
Masculine pride will not allow him the humility of person to learn certain things.
You will not think alike.
What is a regular convenience to you,may be such a luxury that is not allowed to him.
Like I’m not saying be rich,be rich.
But when there are similarities in your backgrounds..it counts for something
At least be on the same plane.
Not different platforms.

For want of saying too much..
Everyone can add their little bits,based on their different peculiarities
What remains is that Mr.right is not so easy to come by in the end.
Finding someone who meets just four of those aforelisted requirements satisfactorily is no mean feat.
there’s so much more.
However I have decided to leave personal things out of this and keep them to the barest minimum finding Mr.right is certainly not a joke.

relationship woes

play a hand

relationships- I tend to view them as a sort of contractual agreement
A sort of let’s make a team and fight the world.
Imagine how it is when there is dissent within the team.
Where one or both parties are playing hide and seek.
In a situation where its all on the table,all the cards are laid straight and everyone is free to play a hand, there really is no need to badger a guy/woman into admitting stuff.
Any man who loves a woman and wants to be with her doesn’t really expect her to expend her energy on trying to understand him and make sense of what he’s doing/up to.
That Is basic..love and honesty.
How important is it for a man to tell you he still has a thing for his ex?
Very,I would say.
How important is it to be honest and sincere with others?
Especially when you want them to play a significant role in your life?
Very.

I do not simply see any reason why a man who intends to be “serious” with a young /old lady
(They all deserve good treatment regardless of their age.).should be keeping things away.
Hiding cards.
How upset would you be to discover that someone you are about to call boyfriend has skeletons and maybe other cockroaches and ants .
Ïf you haven’t already sugared him up. sometimes the ladies are a bit swift to falling
One wave of the hand and girl down!
So anyway,you discover by some stroke of luck or divine prompting certain truths.
Things that should be laid open and laid bare.

Examples of such include-
1.marital history
2.offspring
3.terminal illnesses
4.communicable illnesses especially sexually communicable illnesses
5.obstructs to fertility
6.emotional availabilty
7.sexual preferences/the will we do it talk

The list could go on.
There is something about a man who tells you all of this straight up.
Thereafter you can make an informed decision.
How cool is it to have someone stay with you knowing fully well that you have witheld some kinds of information that would otherwise change or even halt the relationship if divulged.
That is probably why prenuptials exist and marriages can be dissolved based on fraud.

Do I need to explain that you need to know If you are dating someone who has been married twice?and divorced?you think we don’t have people like that in Nigeria.
Think again.maybe the ex.wife who is not fully recovered from the marriage ordeal will call you a husband snatcher.
Also be certain about this-seperated is not divorced..

How about the premium we place on having children?
Would you would marry a man who already has kids?
Some females do not find it pleasant.
Having to cater for another womans kids
That’s where “wicked stepmother” story evolves.
Has anyone thought that the wicked stepmother may just be a frustrated woman who was not allowed to bond with her husband?
Who walked into a home of kids and didn’t have nine months of pregnancy to prepare her for a new role?
Or that the children will view her as a threat regrardless of the presence or absence of their mother in this world or beyond.
How about the fact that if the children do not live with you,the man has to support them?
You could look at this in varied ways..in your house *shrug*
Outside your house,he will be running two homes.(most likely)

..likewise a woman who does same too.
I think its easier for women …he just accepts your kids..and u all live happily if the guy doesn’t decide to molest ur daughter

If you had a criminal abortion and they took everything in there away…
Would you tell a man who is proposing to you?
If you have had an ectopic pregnancy,a tube removed ,low sperm count,no sperm,poor erections,do you not think you should spill before you hook someone like a bone on the throat?
infertility is a touchy issue..it is however made a trifle bit more pleasant if two people find themselves in it without any prior knowledge on any partners side of conditions that would have otherwise affected the couples fecundity

should you inform a prospective partner if you have HIV ,hepatitis of any kind-B or C,warts-which can even be transmitted from skin..
I think these are important .
Especially where someone has been skindiving all their sexually active life
I even demand to know if you have cold sores.
Who says I want to have cold sores too?I need to loooooove you to want to share in it with you.
Some lady last year in the uk was awarded about a million pounds or some good ammount of money because her boyfriend gave her herpes.she got that money because he had initially told her he was STI free.
She also developed preinvasive cancer as a result of that.
If you are not interested,good for you.
If he doesn’t tell,ask.
Some people operate by the don’t ask,don’t tell policy.
Trust me if your partner or prospective has to fish to find,it most certainly is a painful experience.
.

The end of this story?there is no end.